Days have come and days have gone...though the days don't ever feel the same to me. I am healing in ways and only by God's grace but honestly the pressure society puts on parents to just get over their children they've lost is ludicrous. I miss and think of him in everything I do. I think of him when I'm alone, I think of him when I'm with many people and watching them with their children, I think of what we would be doing if he were here, how each thing we did would be different in some small way. He fills my thoughts. I think of him as we go through our fertility problems and how I would have a little more peace if he were here. I think that I was at the lowest point this time last year and God showed me how to pull myself up. I've come a really long way since the days of thinking that my heart was literally breaking in my chest. That's what it feels like to lose a child to me. Imagine the worst emotions you could ever have and they are uncontrollable. So uncontrollable that they make you physically hurt as well. They make you feel like your heart is being ripped out and doesn't know how to beat. I still remember laying in my bed and crying and crying and thinking that I may not live through the pain.
God has another plan for me, I hope but I don't know quite what it is yet. I don't know why we were chosen for this path or the path that He's leading us on now. I just need his guidance.
As I was writing this a scripture popped into my head so I will share it.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
