My husband and I had some conversations about grief and the way people handle things. God gave us each a special heart and mind so that we would and could use them in the ways that we choose.
Our fertility problems have not gotten any better and this February will be a month that I've been going to a fertility doctor for these issues and unfortunately God has not chosen for it to be our time. There are so many mixed emotions about this for me, as with most people. I know that God allowed me to become pregnant with two beautiful boys and one was taken from us here, but I get so angry sometimes that I don't understand His plan. I may never know His plan and some days I accept that and it feels right in my heart and other days I feel furious that I don't have a reason. God knows the plans He has for me and most days that's comforting to know that He is in control and not me, and other days I cry out to help to give me peace. Secondary infertility is something a lot of people don't understand. They don't understand how I can get pregnant once or twice and not get pregnant again whenever I want to. Its hard to explain but sometimes my body won't do what other women's bodies do without them even knowing it. I have made a choice to go forward from here and eat healthier and make better choices for my body this new year. It may not help but it can't hurt me. I want to know that I'm doing all I can to get in the right place to carry a healthy baby if God chooses to bless us again.
Happy New Year to everyone and I hope that each of you are blessed this year.
