I have made you and I will carry you.

Gonna write today because I have felt super stressed the last couple days. It's like I let it all build and it all comes crushing down. There are things going on in my life that I won't share on this blog, because that's just not my style, but it's not things that other people haven't gone through. I just got so overwhelmed with life in general on Monday. It seems like everywhere I turn something bad is happening to someone. It just hurts my heart.
I came in Monday to work and wanted to be there for a friend who had lost a great friend on Sunday, so I listened to her and just felt my heart get heavy. It just brought back a lot of memories.
Everywhere around me is death or hurting and I know that has always go on but I just don't understand it all sometimes. I know that I have a God who knows EVERY reason for EVERYthing, but sometimes that doesn't make it any easier. I have seen quite a few things happen to people around me lately: deaths, illness discoveries, etc. I think that the main reason I've become so affected by these is I know the hurt more real now than I ever thought possible. I see children with cancer, updates on babies that are sick, etc on Facebook and it all seems to hit right on my broken heart.
I thought that when I had my first broken heart was from my first love but that was FAR from true. My heart broke the day I lost my son. I think that God mends us but I also know that there is no way to replace that piece of my heart because I will always long for him until I'm with him. My heart lives outside my body with my two sons and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
If there was one verse that I have come to LOVE in the last couple weeks, it's this one:

I have made you and I will carry you.
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
                                     Isaiah 46:4

I got a tattoo the other day with this verse and my baby's birthdates. To me, this verse has two meanings: like God I have made and carried my sons, I sustain them by providing what they may need or want and I will hopefully provide some rescue whether it be just by turning the channel cause a scary part of a movie comes on tv (did that this morning for Landon...haha!). The second reason is that God provides all those things to me on a daily basis especially lately.
Do I fail God on a daily basis, I do, but it isn't something that I am proud of. I try to do good because I want to please him. He is my Father and I want to make him proud.
I know that Landon will probably do things that don't please me or my husband but I want to raise him in the way that he should go. He will always be my son, and so will Lawson even though I don't have to teach him because God is teaching him and he has no sin!
Moral of today's rambling ;) is that God will carry us on days like I've had this week and he will rescue me from this and let me have good days.