My faith sometimes falters

Oh the ups and downs of life! As the events unfolded in Oklahoma yesterday and I learned of all the children's lives lost, it hurt. It hit me all the way to my soul that more parents have joined the grief that my husband and I have gone through the last couple of months and it made me break down. There are no words. I don't understand and I had a bad day yesterday and just wanted to know with all my heart the purpose of taking children's lives. I know I need to have unfailing faith but sometimes I fail in that. I do ask why and I do want to do things over. It just hurts all the way to my heart. I know exactly what the phrase means when they say your heart breaks for someone because I may not have been in that exact situation with those parents but I know the heart break of losing a child and it is the worst feeling I've ever experienced.
There's disbelief and pain  and heartache and wishing that things were different. I cried to my husband last night and kept saying that a lot of events that unfolded before and during my pregnancy are just so bizarre. Why choose during my pregnancy for me to contract CMV? It would not have affected my baby if it had been contracted at any other time, but because it was at a point in my pregnancy, I am now without my child. He controls everything, so why let my husband and I have such problem getting pregnant and then let me go so far into my pregnancy only to take him? And as I'm sure those parents wonder why would he let their child be in the path of that tornado.
I don't know why I ask myself and God these questions because He never promised us all the answers and sometimes its better that we don't know. I am human however and just wish there was a better understanding in some situations but then it wouldn't require as much faith. And that's what He wants us to have is faith.
Maybe my small purpose in life is that I can show someone love and support in the event of a child's passing. If I can help one person even just by listening or by writing these blogs, then maybe that is part of my calling.

"When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strenthen you."

"Dear God, I've tried my best, but today if I lose my hope please tell me that Your plans are better than my dreams."