The days are seeming to pass by in a blur the last couple of days. I realized on Sunday that Landon's birthday would be on Tuesday the 23rd of this week. It made me sad that my baby is growing up. The more I thought about sending him to school and not getting to spend the day with him, the more I didn't like the idea. It made me want to cry, well things worked out and I got to sepnd yesterday with my son. We had a great day together.
I wish his brother had been able to be with us. I know that I am blessed to have Landon! I miss Lawson like crazy but I apprecaite my time with Landon even more because of the things that have come to pass.
I love making him smile and hearing his laugh. I appreciate it so much when I hear that little voice say "I love you Momma". It is the most precious thing to hear.
As much as I miss Lawson, I am so thankful that I was able to get pregnant with him and caryy him almost to term. He was a part of our lives and always will be. I spoke with a woman the other day that said she had never been able to concieve a child, and she cried each Mother's Day because she didn't understand God's plan in not allowing her to have a child. I just cried with her as we talked and told her of my situation also. We spoke about how there is nothing to do but remind yourself that God knows way more than we may ever know. He is smarter than our human brains and knows all. It may make us upset or sad but He does know best and if things were left up to us, the world may be even more of a mess. We then prayed together before she left. It was one of the most touching things that has happened in the last few months.
She showed me once again how blessed I am that I was able to have Landon and that Lawson was a part of my life for even that short amount of time.
God allowed me two pregnancies....one child is here to make me smile and for me to teach him all that I can and help to lead him in the right ways with the help of the Lord, and the other child is in heaven watching over us and living in my heart to warm me from the inside.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous, it is to decide to let your heart go walking around outside your body."
Well God decided to let me have two children, and one has my heart walking around the earth and the other has my heart walking around in heaven. Oh what a feeling!
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