The Best One

Can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you?  
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.  I asked “What makes a mother?” and I know I heard Him say, “A mother has a baby”.  
This we know is true.  “But God, can you be a mother when your baby’s not with you?”  “Yes you can,” He replied with confidence in His voice.  “I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.  Some I send for a lifetime, and others for the day and some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay.”
“I just don’t understand this God I want my baby to be here.”  
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, and then I saw the tear.  “I wish I could show you, what your child is doing today.  If you could see your child’s smile, with all the other children and say…”  
“We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear.  My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.  I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me.  I learned my lessons very quickly, my mommy set me free.  I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her everyday.  When she goes to sleep on her pillows where I lay.  I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear, “mommy don’t be sad today, I’m your baby and I’m here.”  
“So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay.  Your babies are born here in my home and this is where they’ll stay.  They’ll wait for you with me until your lessons through.  And on the day that you come home they’ll be at the gates for you.  
So now you see what makes a mother, It’s the feeling in your heart.  It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start.  Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done.  They’ll be up here with me one day and know that you are the best one.”

I love love love this poem. It means so much to me! I have had to look back at it many times during these trying times and remember that he is in the best place and is closer to my heart than I think possible. I did love him from the moment I knew about him. You see being an ultrasound tech I looked at my little baby all the time. I took his picture and sent it to family the whole pregnancy. That was one of the hardest things to do was to come back to the last place I had been when he was still alive in my belly. I didn't know how to NOT see him and feel him. You may think it strange but I suffered a long time with just wanting one more touch, one more hug with my little one. It was hard for weeks and I still have days where I crave his touch and want to go get his little body from its resting place. But I remind myself that his body is not what it was and his soul isn't there anyway. This poem helps me alot to look back at and remember that he is touching me, just not physically.