"There's often an outpouring of support immediately after the loss of a baby, but with time, it dwindles. Family and friends seem to go on with their lives and grieving parents often feel pressure from the people around them to move on and let go.
For the grieving parents, however, "moving on" isn't possible. Their lives have changed forever, touched by a child who lives on in their hearts. There's a real fear of forgetting or dishonoring that child." This phrase caught my attention in an article and it hit me right to the core because this is the way I've felt for weeks now.
I will keep this time in my life in my heart and will not hide it nor will I pick things up and act like this all didn't happen. This will be a part of my life FOREVER and it has changed me. There is no one that I have had contact with that isn't changed by such a tragic event in their lives. I will choose however to make my baby proud and carry him with me in my heart and live my life the best I know how. I will remember him everytime I see the sun peeking through the clouds, a light wind blows my hair, and in everyday activites I will picture him being a part of it with us.
My family and friends already seem to not want to bring him up or just feel safer not bringing up the whole situation in general and I understand that to a certain extent. You don't want to make me cry or upset, but he was a baby just like my living child. I love him as much as I love Landon and I talk about Landon constantly. I also feel sometimes that people feel uncomfortable when I bring him, they seem to get quiet. I don't want it to be an awkward situation, its ok to cry with me if we talk about him and ok not to cry too.
I just want him to be proud of the way that I honored him by keeping his memory alive.
Here is a poem that I really love.
"Daddy, please don't look so sad
Mommy, please don't cry
cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God or think Him unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you and then changed His mind.
You see I am a special child and needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.
I'll always be there with you.
Watch the sky at night, find the brightest star that is gleaming,
that is my halo's light.
You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers, I'm dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze, thats me panting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing and your heart feels a little tug, that's me, I'll be there giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad
Mommy, please don't cry
cause I am in the arms of Jesus and He sings me lullabies."
Holly, after 7 years we are still dealing with this on Mark's side of the family. They act like how dare we mention his name. Matthew is and always will be part of the family. Every Christmas we give Mark's parents a family ornament with all the grandkids names on it, including Matthews. They always act nervous when we give it to them. You do what you want to remember Lawson. You talk about him to others. If someone ask you how many children you have you tell them 2, one on earth and one in Heaven. If they have a problem with that then that is their problem not yours.
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